Rudolf the Run Red Lights Reindeer
There was one Starbucks open on Christmas and I was going to find it. It opened at 7 am. I was waiting in the parking lot for the store to open like a psychopath.
The streets were empty and dark as I drove to the place. It was 16 degrees outside. The only thing I could think about, for some dumb reason, was deer. Specifically, how the hell do deer not freeze to death when it is freezing to death? They have shorter hair than I do. Secondly, don’t hit a deer.
I think it is around -20 degrees up north. That is nuts. Also nuts, deer living outside in -20 degree weather. How does a deer’s nose not freeze off? Or his nuts?
They don’t build houses or sleep underground, to my knowledge.
My mom has been all worked up about deer getting impaled on fences lately. I have no idea where this came from, but she keeps tolls on local deer that get caught on fences. Never in my life have I heard someone so saddened by deer caught on fences.
Anyway, it made me start thinking about Rudolf the red nose reindeer, and specifically, the rest of the gang who pull Santa’s sleigh. Between us, I don’t believe deer can ‘fly’ but I am not here to dispute three hundred years of Christmas folklore. I also have no idea how old ‘Christmas’ is and guessed 300 years.
So, I was the first customer in Starbucks, obviously. The fun girl who made my iced coffee asked what I was doing today to celebrate Christmas.
“Are deer cold?” I replied.
She stared at me.
Merry Christmas folks.
Trey