I went to the Oddities & Curiosities Expo last weekend and met a girl who paints with her own blood, a punk rocker who knits, and a tall dude who has the world record for the most mouse and rat traps snapped on his tongue in 1 minute. He has only been to the hospital once when a rat trap sliced his tongue in half.
His business cards were small mouse traps with his name and world record engraved on them. Speaking of, there is a raccoon in one of my rental houses and the tenant is about to lose her mind. That’s neither here nor there.
My girlfriend got mad at me yesterday for not liking her Instagram posts. We are going plant shopping today. She is better at life than I am.
I got a colonoscopy last Wednesday which is the first time I have been to the hospital since high school. Terrifying.
So, yesterday, as a reward for myself, I got a haircut.
“Who told you that you can get a mullet?” The hipster stylist with odd piercings between her teeth and gums asked.
“Nobody,” I replied.
“Does your girlfriend know you are getting a mullet?” She followed expressionless.
“No.”
Blank stare.
I learned this stylist has two cats and used to have nine cats. She lives in a shitty apartment, according to her, that smells awful. Not because of the cats but because of the sewage. She never wants children and always runs out of gas.
To be clear, it’s a baby mullet folks. Don’t get all carried away. Sure, I am in the middle of my midlife crisis but for God’s sake, we all need to try new things once in a while. Nuff said.
Getting old is baffling. I sat in the hospital room wearing that odd hospital gown with wires attached to my arms thinking about getting old and also about a group of humans probing my ass in a matter of moments.
I was scared.
I don’t know how to approach getting old. Do you?
My biggest fear is I will never be able to figure out love but that is another blog for another day. I’m trying.
I also fear the call or the diagnosis that is going to come at some point. These bodies of ours don’t last forever. I don’t care how many kale smoothies with collagen powder you drink.
This season of life is hard on me. Middle age I guess. The 50 - 60 years old years. They say the early 50’s is the lowest for well-being. Well, guess where I am?
(https://www.businessinsider.com/age-people-feel-most-least-happy-chart-2017-11)
I am at the bottom of that curve. Yikes.
I don’t feel old but every once in a while I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and see a different person. An old person. It breaks my heart. Maybe that is one of the reasons the curve bottoms out at 50 - 53.
Anyway…
I have a habit tracker on my phone and one of the daily habits I am trying to remember is to pray. Oddly, I don’t know how to pray. Do you?
I just say…
God, please change my mind and open my heart.
Trey