I am nervous.
Here is something odd. Well, I think it is odd. You might think it’s dumb. Or odd. Or normal. Or boring. Nonsense, gather around folks, step right up.
(Oh, happy birthday Jobe you gorgeous karaoke bar proprietor and loon who started the Fur Bus with me back in the 1800s)
Anyway, I do this thing when I journal sometimes. Perhaps you can try it because, well, it works.
I put on these big-ass Bose noise-canceling headphones and open the Insight Timer app on my phone (the free version of course) and click on this guided meditation.
The guided meditation is 18 minutes long. Perfect.
I lower the volume a bit and whip out my LEUCHTTURM1917 journal because I think Moleskine journals are garbage. I grab a pen.
Then I press play and write for 18 minutes without stopping.
What do I write about? The thoughts in my head as they pop into my head. That’s it. I don’t think about what to think about. I just keep the pen moving.
The key is I don’t stop writing until the meditation is over. Have you ever written with a pen for 18 minutes? It is wild, the things that pop into your head. The trick is don’t stop writing to think. Keep the pen moving.
It is amazing what surfaces after a few minutes. In the first minute or so I wrote…
Ok, what should I write? What am I thinking? I wonder if the chicken is bad in the frig? I feel weird. The dog is sleeping. Hmm. Well. I want to feel …
Then, after a few minutes, the real real surfaces. The thoughts I didn’t know I had. The ideas from outer space. My spirit animal or chakras or subconscious or God or Tom Cruise or who TF knows.
As I started to write this morning I thought..
What is a good life?
So, I wrote…
What is a good life?
See how it works? Rocket science.
Then I wrote and wrote and wrote.
I’m stepping into a new role at work this week. I am nervous, anxious, scared, and can’t stop thinking about it. I fear failure, embarrassment, and looking dumb. I fear tripping over words, not being able to manage the technology, and saying the wrong thing.
What’s worse, I fear not being as good as I think other people think I am.
Do you ever fear not being as good as you think other people think you are?
So, as I was writing, I remembered I feel most alive when I am expanding. When I am growing. I feel the most horrible when I am stuck, flat, idle, being average.
Then it hit me.
A good life is one where I continually expand. Where I keep growing into a new and better person. A person who takes on new challenges and has the sleepless nights leading up to the challenge. Then, after the challenge, sits back, drinks a dirty martini with blue cheese olives, and thinks, holy shit, I did it.
I believe the good life is one where we try new things. We meet new people. We go new places.
A life where we create the magic and become the storytellers.
On Thursday I will try something for the first time in front of new people in a place I have never been. I intend to bring the magic and become the storyteller.
Now, if I can get through the next few sleepless nights.
Trey
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