Cheez-its & Bottoms
“You can come back now,” she said.
I was sitting in the waiting room of Advanced Urology waiting on my mom. There were free sodas and rock-hard chairs. Meanwhile, they stuck a camera up mom’s ass to see what is going with her uterus. What a joy.
“Ok,” I replied gathering up my stuff. The nurse was attractive. I was hoping I looked important, sexy, and rich as I packed up my laptop.
The nurse guided me through the clinic. I tried to catch a glimpse of her hand to see if she was married. No ring. Perfect.
I entered the room and found Mom in the hospital bed trying to eat Cheez-its. She seemed a bit groggy but in good spirits as she raised her hand above her head to try and drop the Cheez-it into her mouth.
“I have to pee,” she announced to the room.
I stood beside the hot nurse who was filling out paperwork. The Doctor, a young fella, came in and began to explain the procedure.
“Things went well and I saw the…” he started.
“Did you look at my bottom?” Mom interrupted...
Oh God, here we go…
“Yes ma’am,” he replied.
“I bet you look at a lot of bottoms,” she continued without missing a beat.
“Well, yes…” he looked at me. I looked at the hot nurse. She looked at mom.
The doctor looked back and forth between mom and me trying to explain his evaluation.
“Do you have sex with your wife?” Mom asked staring directly at the doctor.
Oh hell. Was mom was about to ask the nurse if she would have sex with me next?
“Well, yes ma’am’” he slowly replied with a smile and terror in his eyes.
“You guys might want to escape while you can,” I interrupted mom’s inquiry into the doctor’s sex life in a last-minute effort to prevent her from turning to the hot nurse next.
Mom continued to try and drop Cheez-its in her mouth as I gathered up the paperwork quickly. We escaped without mom asking the staff more wonderful questions. She whistled as we strolled out of the hospital.
I fixed mom some cheese toast this morning.
“Did I ask that Doctor if he has sex with his wife yesterday?” she asked as I handed her the toast.
“Yup,” I replied.
I don’t think I am going to marry the nurse.
Trey