Is your dad dead? Mine is.
That’s not the point. I couldn’t sleep last night. In general, I am the world’s best sleeper. I can drink a Bang Energy drink at 9 pm and be asleep at 9:05 pm. The Rock sleeps four hours a night. He also has no hair.
I got home from the airport around 11 pm last night and settled into my queen-sized bed. I don’t sleep with a top sheet. Never have. Too hot. Instead, I have one of those K-mart fleece blankets and keep the AC on a firm 65 degrees. Bliss.
I was starving so I got up and ate some nuts. I have nothing in my fridge aside from six beers, seven Gatorades, a few of those sparkling waters I never drink because they taste like hydrogen peroxide, and some cheese.
I got back in bed and watched some Netflix, then YouTube, then Netflix, then TikTok, then YouTube, then TikTok. I couldn’t fall asleep for the life of me. Probably the nuts.
Around 3 am I was deep into TikTok watching videos where soldiers or family members surprise other family members after being away for a long time. What gets me in those videos is when they hug. I tear up. Literally.
So, I was getting emotional. Damn near sad because I have never really had that kind of ‘love’. Brothers uniting with brothers. Dads with sons. Stuff like that.
In my mind, I started thinking…when was the last time I got a hug? I couldn’t remember. That made it worse.
An old dude laying in his queen bed tearing up over TikTok videos. Not hysterically crying but you know what I mean.
Just as my sadness was boiling a video popped up of some fucking animal squealing. Immediately I started laughing. Then I started laughing at myself for laughing. Out loud. It was hilarious.
Then I realized it was him. Of course it was him.
My dad comes to me sometimes. He died when I was 21 but for the past 10 years or so he will show up. Not like a real ghost but in some other weird way.
Anyway, I realized he sent that video to kick me out of my sadness. I know it was him because it was hilarious. I could see him smiling in my mind. Plus all the videos that were making me sad were about families and dads and such.
My dad always played pranks on me when I was little. He had a wild sense of humor and an ocean full of charm. Everyone loved the man. Me the most.
Once it hit me that he sent the video, I got really emotional. I could feel him in the room. I cried. A lot. That’s what sometimes happens when your dad is dead.
A hard cry but a good cry. He was there. I asked him for help. I told him I have no idea what I am doing. I talked to him. It was so real I had to open my eyes to scan the room looking for a ghost. How wild is that?
Anyway, I asked him to put his hand on my back. To hold me.
And then, I fell asleep.
Trey
I am the sister of someone you went to high school with. We recently lost our mom and there is nothing so painful and emotional. Loved your post. Thank you for sharing
Love this! I lost my dad very suddenly when I was 20. I went home for a buddy’s graduation. We stayed up late on the back porch laughing and cutting up. When I woke up the next morning I found him exactly where I left him and told him goodnight. Aneurysm. My mom was on a plane to California. Took her 13 hours to get home. I grew up a lot that day. Love you buddy!