She had some kind of eyes. Not terribly pretty, but not ugly. Eyes that squeezed tight every once in a while. Then, when not squeezed tight, stared into my soul.
Somehow I found myself wedged into the center seat at a table of seven people. Just about the last place on earth I want to be. Plus the seat was wonky so I had to sit on the edge of the seat trying not to look like a grandma.
She was sitting to my left. I met her minutes earlier. My anxiety was brewing. Whatever, I ordered a burger without the bun.
The guy to my right was fascinating. He looks like an accountant but was raised on the floor of a biker bar by biker parents. He wore a Patagonia vest over a pressed button-up shirt. Perfect hair, engaging banter. A hell of a story.
Anyway…
Ol girl next to me found out I wrote a book about love.
You wrote a book about love?
Yes.
Great, I have a question for you.
Ok.
Is it romantic if I don’t think my husband is attractive?
What?
I don’t know what romantic means. I just know I don’t think my husband is attractive.
Have you ever?
No.
You never thought your husband is attractive?
Oh no. Never. I don’t want to have sex with him.
She smiled. I stared.
Oh, by the way, I am neurodivergent. So, I have no filter. I am sorry if I offended you. Is this too much?
Between us, I have no idea what neurodivergent means. I also have no idea why someone would marry someone they don’t think is attractive. I also had no idea how I was going to escape dinner.
I learned she had been married for three years and knew she was going to marry him the moment she saw him. She said he is the best and she loves him more than anything in the world. She just never wants to have sex with him and thinks he is ugly. Always has.
She was a pretty girl, maybe mid 30’s or early 40’s. Extremely intelligent. No filter. Big eyes.
Turning away from her for a moment, I engaged the guy directly across from me. He showed me pictures of him running with the bulls in Spain. He was from Spain. He told me there are 12 bulls that run every year. Six of the bulls run the route every year so they know it by heart. The other six don’t and they are killed in the arena at the end of the event.
I stared at my burger.
Another girl at the table told me about her life design astrology chart issued at birth and how the stars have predicted her entire life.
One dude was from Europe and ate fries the whole time. He sells podcast advertising and told me BetterHelp spent 60 million dollars on podcast ads last year. The most of any business in the world.
Me? I struggled. Maybe I am neurodivergent. All I know is that I have to force myself to be social. Generally, I hate it and find it hard to carry on normal conversations with people. Maybe I should sign up for BetterHelp.
However, I am always proud of myself after I am social. I usually feel better as well. I continuously remind myself to meet more people, have more dinners, and invest in friendships. Can you imagine? Having to set goals to be with people? Welcome to my life.
They say the number one factor for happiness is our relationships. It’s true. Our social relationships dictate the quality of our lives. Depression, loneliness, and isolation are driving us mad. Maybe that is why BetterHelp can spend 60 million dollars on podcast ads. Because we are all going insane.
Connection is dying and love is bananas.
For the other introverts out there like me, let’s keep setting goals to be with people. We can’t hole up in our apartments taking baths every day. Life is worthless without people to share it with.
Deep breath…
I have no idea if you are romantically in love with your husband. I think you should start a podcast though, I told her.
Trey