She was a day early and 30 minutes late.
We were sitting at a table waiting for her. She scampered up apologizing for being late even though she was there the day before. I know, it makes no sense.
Like dating.
Ilene and I were at a Mediterranean fast-casual joint waiting for Jennifer, one of the top matchmakers in Atlanta, to have a conversation about, well, matchmaking.
Jennifer Miotke, the President of One on One Matchmaking and Eight at Eight Dinner Club, arrived like a tornado.
“Sorry I’m late,” she said sprinting towards us.
Jennifer was born in Columbia, SC, and decided to go to the College of Charleston because she heard it was ranked the number one party school in the nation. And, then she partied.
“My nickname in my 20’s was drunk Jenny,” she smirked remembering her past.
After college, she moved to Atlanta, the big city, and lived with her brother. She had no friends. He wouldn’t let her date his friends. So, she decided to join the dating service It’s Just Lunch because she saw an ad in Creative Loafing.
“I was going out with older dudes who were buying me top-shelf liquor and showing me the city. It was awesome,” she said as she tried to balance telling us her story and cramming a massive gyro wrap in her mouth.
Jennifer has a fun way about her. Like a kid in a candy store. A firecracker kid with massive ADHD.
“At one point I met one of the owners of It’s Just Lunch and talked her into hiring me,” she continued.
I think dating is one of the most curious things in the world. Most people hate it. So, we decided to find the top matchmaker who has been in the business for 15 years.
We fired off some questions like what makes a shitty matchmaker? Are most people boring? Who should hire a matchmaker? What is wrong with dating? How are you going to eat that massive gyro?
She told us people come to her who haven’t dated in 20 years and just got divorced. People come as the last hope. People come because they are smart and want to outsource it to the pros.
My favorite client of hers is a dude named Bill.
“Yeah, he uses our services to meet people and simply go on dates once in a while. He doesn’t want to get married but still wants to be social. He is 82 years old.”
I love that dude.
Eventually, Jennifer was hired by my friend Sarah Kathryn, the founder of Eight at Eight Dinner Club. She and Jennifer have run Eight at Eight and One on One Matchmaking for a million years. Their office is an explosion of pink with six to eight women yelling at each other from tiny offices. It is fascinating. And, very pink.
“Should the first date be a lunch or a dinner,” I asked wondering if lunch dates are better than dinner dates. I think dinner dates can be daunting, uncomfortable, and excruciatingly long. Plus nobody likes Red Lobster as much as I do.
“I think the first date should be casual…Top Golf, Mexican food, etc.,” she replied.
“What do people get the most nervous about on the first date,” I asked.
“What to wear,” she replied. And then mumbled something about checking out the place online to get a feel for the vibe. It is hard to follow her train of thought sometimes. Her brain is like a cat on fire in a small bag.
Ilene asked her what she would do if she had to start over and build a new matchmaking company. She said she would add date coaching, personality tests, and maybe a wingman or woman offering because people don’t talk to each other anymore.
“We had a social event last night for our members. There were some cool guys there, and in the corner, a group of girls sitting at a table. I was so pissed at these girls. I wanted to call them and yell at them today,” she laughed. Social events with people staring at their phones instead of socializing. This is dating in 2022.
We finally got to 33 questions.
“Pick a number,” I asked her.
“Seven,” she replied.
7. What question do you get asked the most?
What is your success rate?
I have no idea what our success rate is. I will tell you that all matchmakers say 80%. All of them. I have no idea why. I don’t even know how you would gauge success. Some people have never been in a relationship in their lives and they come to me. Some people just want to date and not get married. Some just want practice.
10. What is one thing couples can do to keep a healthy relationship?
Date night once a week.
21. Do dating apps work?
I don’t know. I never did them because they were not around when I was dating. I think there is a bit of a paradox of choice. Too many choices is a bad thing. However, I say try everything though. Do everything. If you want to find someone, try it all.
Jennifer would periodically stop and think, laugh a bit, then answer the questions. She has a hilarious outtake on life. At one point, she told us how she has always been intimidated by beautiful matchmakers.
“I’m a redneck,” she laughed.
She said she cares about her clients more than other matchmakers. Perhaps because she used matchmakers when she was single. She actually met her husband while she was a client at It’s Just Lunch.
“I was a client so I know what my clients are going through. I don’t think I have ever met a matchmaker that used a matchmaking service now that I think about it. How crazy is that?”
3. How do you know if you are in love?
Hmm…maybe it's very close to infatuation?
6. How many times have you been in love?
Oh, I ask clients that all the time. Let’s see, maybe six or seven times?
The best thing about Jennifer is her attitude about life. She is funny, humble, and confident. Confident in a way that I think we all desperately crave. Confident enough to always be game to try new things, meet new people, and have fun.
19. Is marriage stupid?
No, no, no! I think marriage is easier than dating. That’s all you need to know. Dating is starting over all the time and then having to lead with vulnerability. You are constantly trying to figure out what their crazy is and if their crazy will work with your crazy. How exhausting. Marrying is easier. Especially for a girl. Do you think it is going to get easier as you get older? No. You are about to get your ass kicked. I mean, do you want to buy a house? Go on vacation? It’s not as fun alone.
Great point, I thought. Then I told her I think the scariest part of getting married is thinking you settled. She said there is a bit of settling in everything in life. Work, love, life. Nothing is ever perfect, she said.
Finally, I went off script and asked her…
“How can girls be better at dating?”
“I tell everyone to read How to Win Friends and Influence People,” she said quickly. “There is a girl that used our services named Meg. All the guys she went out with fell for her so I asked her what she was doing. She said she would treat the guys like they were fascinating. You have to make the other person feel interesting.”
Not bad. Get out of your head and be curious about the other person. But not just curious, actually fascinated about the other person.
“What about guys,” I asked. ”How can they be better at dating?”
“Go for it,” she smiled. “Walk straight up to a girl and ask her out.”
It’s not science, I guess.
At one point, Ilene asked her if clients come to her scared they won’t find someone or might fail at dating.
“I don’t know. If I did anything, I would just assume I would be successful. Wouldn’t you?”
That is exactly how Ilene approaches things…just like Jennifer.
In the end, Jennifer said something that rattled around in my brain for the next two days. After asking her if people should hire matchmakers, try online dating, or join new groups, she said this…
“I think the worst thing in life is to not try for what you want. That makes me super sad.”
We will never know if we never try.
Trey
Woww